Favourite Books

b3ta - QOTW

"Prezza" By John Prescott
It's a rollercoaster ride of fun, frolics, politics, self-induced vomiting, barely coherent sentences, cuckoldry, all steeped in pseudo-believable quasi-socialist politics.

There are many snippets of this tome which caused me to seriously rethink my life, here are a selection of the best.

1. When talking about his eating disorder, Prescott observes.
"I was in the Golden Buddah in Whitechapel. Having eaten my way through 36 courses, I was tempted with the deep fried apple fritters in lard, but settled for a wafer thin mint. Then I was overcome with the urge to purge myself of all this avarace to which I had partaken. I remember stumbling semi-coherently to the toilets, and choosing a cubicle near the window. Once safely ensconced within, I inserted my burly digits into my cavernous mouth and pressed them to their target.
It would be an understatement to suggest that the ensuing tsunami of semi-digested Eastern Fayre was of gargantuan proportions. Lets just say that once I filled the pan to the brim, I hastily moved onto the next cubicle and filled that one too."

A lesson there for everyone, I feel.

2. On his affair with Tracey Temple..
"She was lying prostrate on my desk, legs akimbo, skirt hitched up around her waist, her hairy haven glistening in the half light like a badly packed kebab.
I resisted the urge to pop out for a greek sandwich and after 15 minutes of searching for my manhood under half a ton of blubber, grasped the old chap firmly betwixt thumb and forefinger and pressed him to his goal. She moaned and writhed under me, so I transferred my not inconsiderable bulk off of her and onto the desk and she was able to breathe again.
'Is it in yet?' She enquired.